So you want to go to grad school... (Dispelling myths)

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As an academic advisor (one of my many titles), I often advise students on grad school preparation.  A major part of my discussion is centered on dispelling myths and misconceptions of graduate school. Since I recall having those same misconceptions and I know many in the blogging world are interested in graduate school, I figured I'd pass on my knowledge...

1.  Grad school is NOT  a place to find yourself. That is the purpose of college.  I know it is very tempting to hideout in a grad school and ride out the recession, but if you are still unfocused...grad school is not for you. While in college, you should fully utilize your experience. Get involved.  Do research.  Do internships. Find yourself.  Conduct as much of your trial and error, while you are in college when you have no responsibilities and no bills.  (This is important whether you plan on attending graduate school or entering the working world.)  If you still haven't found yourself after graduation, consider short-term internship programs, Americorps, Peace Corps, Teach for America, or similar programs.  Quite a few of these programs, provide scholarships to pay loans or to apply toward graduate study.

2. When you apply to graduate school, you should have a defined area of study.  Graduate programs are very specific. When you apply to graduate school, you focus on your specific graduate program and the faculty's research area.  Even if you have a 4.0 GPA, if you write in your personal statement that you are interested in social policy and there is no faculty in that research area... you will not be accepted.  Do your research. Know the faculty.

3. You shouldn't pay for graduate school.  Unless you are going to grad school part-time or  pursuing a professional degree (M.D., J.D., M.B.A.), your education should be free.  Graduate students generally receive graduate assistantships, where you work for 20 hours a week and receive tuition and a living stipend.  They are harder to receive due to budget cuts, but they are they key to research in the sciences.   Another option is a Hall Directorship.  To attain this position, you should get experience as a Resident Assistant during your undergraduate years. 

Does anyone else have any advice?  Anything I should expound upon? In my next post, I can touch upon my personal journey....

So you want to go to grad school.... (Part 2)

In my prior post, I dispelled three myths that people often have about graduate study. Today, I'll let you know how I learned these lessons.

1. Grad school is NOT a place to find yourself. That is the purpose of college.

In college, I learned a lot about myself.  Like a true West Indian [as my friends describe], I often had 3 jobs at a time.  (They all had flexible schedules, where I could work as much or as little as I wanted.) 
Let's do the job/internship role call: Summer Camp Counselor; On-call Macy's Sales Associate; Kohl's Store Management Intern; Blue Hen Ambassador (tour guide); Coke Campus Manager (marketing and athletic event promotion); and Human Resources Intern.

Through trial and error, I learned what aspects of jobs/careers I liked ...and what I didn't like.  Although, I worked at Macy's for two years, it wasn't until I worked at Kohl's that I realized that I couldn't do retail/fashion for 40 hrs/wk. Nor could I do corporate. I just didn't like clothes that much.  I met a recruiter there and thanks to my Labor Relations and Human Resources classes, I became interested in that area.  My senior year, I applied and was accepted to grad school for Human Resources.  A Human Resources internship showed me that HR was mostly mind numbing paperwork.  I kindly turned down my acceptance.

2. When you apply to graduate school, you should have a defined area of study.

When I first graduated college,  I still wasn't quite sure what I wanted to do.  Working for two years as a Coordinator of Multicultural Recruitment, helped me to define my interests. Working with underprivileged populations made me want to focus on education policy.  I wanted to either work for government, a non-profit, or higher education to improve access to higher education. 

3. You shouldn't pay for graduate school.

In graduate school, I had a graduate assistantship which paid my tuition and provided a living stipend. In return, I worked 20 hours/week on education policy issues. I conducted research and developed reports that were used to attain federal funding and to improve education in our state. I also helped to plan workshops for teachers and administrators.  It was very fulfilling work.  It augmented what I learned in the classroom, AND  it paid.  No, you won't be rich. But with student tax adjustments, my take-home pay was only about $300 less than my meagre salary as an Admission Counselor.

Please feel free to let me know if you have any questions...

Re-Authoring Your Story

Last spring, in my "Theories of Counseling" course,  I was introduced to Adlerian Theory. In his theory, progress in  therapy was marked by changes in early childhood recollections.  I understood the theory-- enough to do well on the test.  But it wasn't until my "Student Affairs" course --which borrows from psychology and sociology -- this fall that I truly got it.  In one of my readings, we learned about "re-authoring your story".  According to this, a student reached maturity when they learned how to "re-author their story". It was then that I truly got it.  Here is my interpretation...

What does it mean to "re-author your story"?  Does the plot change?  Does the outcome of the villain change? Are chapters of the story wiped out? If only it were that easy...

When you re-author your story, you change the one aspect of the story that you can control. YOU.  When you read a novel, the author's voice sets the tone of the story.  The inflections of voice and reflections on occurrences, change how the story is told and how it is perceived to readers.  In life, the same holds true. Although you may not be able to rewrite your story, you do have the ability to re-author it.

I have learned that in life it is easy to play the role of the victim.  It is easy to focus on how life isn't fair and dwell on the hand you've been dealt.  But sadly, playing the victim doesn't get you anywhere in life. Why?  Because when you perceive yourself as being the victim of your circumstances, you relinquish all of your power.  Think about it. In every story you have read, when has the victim overcome their circumstances?  When they stopped wallowing in self-pity, and decided to do something.  They did what was hard.  They stopped being the victim.

It's easier said than done. I know.  Some have been dealt the hand of broken homes, great betrayal, abuse, and other horror stories.  But what are your choices?  Play the victim and subject yourself to further abuse.  (You've seen such stories on TV on shows like Intervention and in real life --your neighbors, your families, and in the reflection in  your mirror.) Or you can move forward with your life...

Too many times we seek healing in an apology that many times may never come.  The closure you seek is within yourself.  When I understood this, I finally got the saying, "You have to forgive others, not for them, but for yourself."  When you forgive, you take back that power that they once held over you.  When you forgive, you allow yourelf to move forward in life. Otherwise, you remain stuck. Because while you've been fixated on the pain that person inflicted, they moved on a long time ago. Probably the second after the occurrence.  While you remained stuck, their life went on.  Thus, you've given them power, far beyond the hurt they inflicted upon you.  When you forgive them, you take back that power. 

Re-authoring your story doesn't happen overnight.  It may take weeks, months, and in some cases ... years.  You will never forget the pain. But you can choose to stop inflicting pain upon yourself. You can stop using it as your excuse for your poor choices.  You can move on.  Otherwise, you will remain stuck.  I learned that lesson many years ago.  And I haven't looked back since.... (Maybe, every once in a while I'll take a glance. But, I've learned to not let it hold me back.)

Let's Discuss.

Vintage Post: Love Thyself

An important lesson I've learned in life is to love God, love myself... then love everyone else.  Too many times we don't love the skin we're in and we search for solace in clothes, men (women, for you guys out there), hair, makeup, [insert your vice here].

Often, we start the journey of self-love from the outside in.  That's the premise of "What Not To Wear" on TLC. The fashion victims didn't feel they were worthy enough, thin enough, or pretty enough for nice clothing.  So they matched their self-loathing with frumpy clothes.  With a catharsis of their wardrobe, and a renewal of makeup, hair, and clothing...the journey just begins.

But although the journey can start there, we have to be weary of being stuck there.  Using the guise of makeup and hair, to feign self-love doesn't fool anyone. (Cue Heidi Montag. 10 procedures, one day.)

Let's be honest. Self-loathing is self-destructive.  It is a magnet for people who will undervalue and take advantage of you. Trust me. I know.  I spent my entire life being the scrawny nerd, who could clean up well every once in a while.  By my freshman year in college, I finally figured out how to fix the outside.  But working on the underlying layers took a lot longer.  I attracted the type of guys that I mentioned before. They saw my vulnerability and like vultures they  pounced on their prey.

I pass on this lesson, not because I'm bitter.  I'm not.  I've grown immensely because of my life experiences.  I wouldn't erase even the dark times, if it will get me to the point where I am today.  I say this because, before you make any resolution... you need to tackle this one first.  You can't be loved the way you want to, or love the way you want to...until you love yourself.